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February 17, 2022 / barton smock

( aside, entry, sorry

I guess I want to say that I see you, friend, struggling. These last few years have changed how I go about in the world. There are people I can't be there for because of what it would mean to those who need me to be a place. Sickness is a brief letter sent to god that describes in black ink what it was like reading disability's invisible script. My older children have their health, are not extras, and didn't get to audition. I hope you are okay. I think it is too late here and there for me to be the father I wasn't. I wrote this line circa 2015 that was almost this: I pretended to sleepwalk around the time I began to sleepwalk. Yesterday, I had to cancel a membership in-person and everything I said was a sentence too early. I've always been like this, but these days even always seems longer. And here I am, with asides that include 'these days'. Anyway, Timmy is up tonight with some respiratory issues and Gen is with him and I can hear him trying to put a body on his sleep. Gen probably won't be able to go to sleep for another few hours, when he'll be in the clear. I fell tonight, hard, on the ice while taking out the trash. I don't know. Don't be alone, even if you're alone. And don't let other people be. It helps.

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