( some further words on caregiving in the a.m. w/ odd but maybe not so odd appearance by Ethan Hawke

so up late/early with the hauntspeak of worry and general sense of appropriate doom but also appropriate play and how there is laughing and being silly and the reason no one tells you how lonely it all is beforehand is all in the words before & hand so here I am still in the mathafter of this dream where I was being chased by a demon and I had this oversized tote bag with all my stuff in it and I'm running in and out of closets and jumping turnstiles and the bag is just keeping me from being my fastest self and I end up in a hotel room hallway and out of a door on my left emerges Ethan Hawke and he takes the bag from me, empties it, and in the bag is a smaller bag...and he puts all my stuff in the smaller bag and says he could use the larger so I say it is his and then we are going down this spiral staircase and I hear the demon hissing and Mr. Hawke tells me to go back up and he'll go down, so I do, and at the top of the stairs I have this sudden stomach pain and look down and my insides are coming out and I fall down the stairs and when I stop falling I am on top of Ethan and I roll off of him and he starts taking all my insides and shoving them into his stomach which I see has a hole in it and then of course I am no longer asleep and think now that I am up and worried and alone and in one piece maybe I'll watch Adopt A Highway as it's the only Ethan Hawke movie that's come out recently that I haven't seen and maybe this will save my son this watching this not sleeping this having of my own insides