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May 9, 2021 / barton smock


I want to talk about it without talking about it. How we are somewhat poor, how we are a single income household, a dual love household, a single homebound parent household, and how I/we make 10,000 less a year because of unpaid FMLA due to my youngest having a progressive degenerative disorder, etc. It's all there of course, the difficulty, the heartstring, the period at the end of etc.

My ace daughter Mary Ann graduated today. I want to talk about the opportunities my children don't have, don't take, due to having a sibling that needs constant care. But of course I don't want to talk about that at all. But, how can I not, how can I not not. Etc.

My kids have support. And are loved. My wife is a light that makes spotlight find another, then another, then all. 

My daughter Mary Ann did the work. Privileged, for sure, with all this support. But also, as I said, she did work. This is what capitalism does, is designed to do...guilt, competition, and all without acknowledgment.

Mary, for her part, acknowledges. And is not better than anyone, the best version of her many selves. And today, I speak to and speak under that. She said what she was going to do, and did it. And she saved, and gave, and moved in the world as it was given to her and then moved in the world as she made it. And that's something. And it might not always be is hard, and unfair, and has older tricks...but today...I celebrate the one true thing that is true first and therefore forever. This movement, this stillness, that makes its little step away from, and against, the false.

Or something. Hell I don't know. But today was a good one, Mary Ann. Love you and by that I mean I loved you before and love you during and will love you after.

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